Well, I have found some comfort in writing ideas down in this medium. I have not written ideas down in a nice format like this in a long time, but I am definitely enjoying this exercise for now.

The title of this post is a general idea and problem I have with myself, and ironically, this blog post is just a new medium of that same issue.

So, a giant, and honestly what I may consider to be my biggest personal flaw is the inability to disconnect with the rest of the world. I feel the NEED, not the want to be connected simply via my phone at all times. I largely think this stems from the responsibility I carry at my job, but nonetheless, it affects my day to day life more than I’d like.

I enjoy the outdoors a lot. Mountain tranquility is one of my favorite things in the world. Except there is just one problem: cell service. Even though I enjoy that mountain tranquility so much, and it is such a stress reliever, if I lose cell service during that tranquility, a piece of my tranquil mind starts searching. Searching becomes stress, and suddenly I’ve lost it.

I consider myself a very independent person. I moved out on my own at a young age, live my day to day on my own accord, and generally do what I please when I please. But that reliance on connectivity is the chain that keeps me tied down. It is generally one of my most hated or least liked things about existence. Yet, that connectivity is what led to me discovering this independence and freedom and that the average person doesn’t have. So whilst I have a very, very flexible schedule, I am always tied down by that little device in my pocket.

I guess this ties into my previous “reject technology” post that I really couldn’t figure out where I was going with, and ended randomly. I am realizing more that the title of that post was correct, and I was well intended to start the post with that title. BUT, and this is a major but, you can see at the end of the post I realized that I haven’t actually rejected technology and found that complete freedom I was looking for. As I am writing THIS EXACT SENTENCE, I am honestly having quite an epiphany. My “subconscious”, or whatever you want to call it, knows this premise of freedom, but I had not realized fully that I am in some ways (but not entirely) less free than I was in my entirely technology-focused youth.

See, back in those days, I was tinkering on my own terms, doing my own things, searching for freedom internally and I guess interweb-onally (nice). These days, I have grown out of those hobbies that made me feel free, and on basic reflection, came to the conclusion that I was less free then. The truth is, I just simply don’t enjoy those hobbies anymore. Because my job (sitting at a desk writing web services for 6-8 hours a day) is entirely inside and computer focused, it honestly killed that youthful love for computer-related hobbies. Thus, my hobbies are now entirely outdoor related, and wonderful. I have to escape the monotony of work.

But, like I have said before, my job is not a typical 9-5. I am constantly tied in to communications, one way or another. I am obligated and compensated to reply to messages and monitor systems as long as I am awake. And so, we have circled back around.

Am I addicted to being connected? Or do I simply not possess the freedoms to reject technology quite yet. I think this conclusion is obvious to the reader (there are none) and myself already.

The problem, well, now that I know the problem, is how do I fix it? If I switch to a typical 9-5 that allows me to disconnect after hours and on weekends, I will lose general flexibility and some freedoms that I do really enjoy. But, if I stay this course, I will never really get to experience “true” (does it even exist?) freedom. I want to be able to hop in my car and drive all over the country for a couple of months and do whatever I want. No care in the world about others, no responsibilities, and no general plan. I guess that is another problem for another time. The important part of todays reflection is that I know the problem now.

I guess I will reflect more internally, and continue to write more. This is nice. I’ll add a gif at the bottom since it seems like something I should keep doing. Maybe if I get better at structuring these better in the future I can do inline relevant gifs to some of my thoughts? That would probably defeat the point of this reflection though, and no one else reads these anyways.

I know people don’t like Chris McCandless, but the general theme of this movie is a good one.