I procrastinate everything, anything, and all things. It’s really horrific. But, when I get finally do something, just a simple little task that only benefits myself and something that I think most people do without really thinking about it, I realize how nice the little things are.

Getting groceries, washing my sheets, cleaning my floors. All very simple things that I do actually do quite often, because I know I must. But, every time I do one of these tasks, it is a mental fight with myself. I honestly do not know why I am this way. This procrastination issue isn’t for simple little things like I listed before, it is for everything and anything that involves effort. Yes, simple interaction with the real world is an effort to me. Maybe I am just a little mentally retarded, who knows. I have never been diagnosed with anything, nor do I want to. I do hold the belief that modern mental diagnosis for simple things like ADD or ADHD are ridiculous, but that is a tangent I won’t go into for this.

Anyways, what initially provoked this is the ridiculous mental feat of procrastinating going to sleep. Yes, absolutely asinine, and I know it. The reason I was procrastinating this is because I had washed my sheets earlier today, and I hadn’t made my bed yet. Making your bed requires about 2 minutes of effort, but man that 2 minutes of effort is a real (STUPID YES I KNOW IT IS SO STUPID BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT HELP IT) mental block for me.

Once I get over that mental block, and just do it, I realize how nice it is to do things like this. The simple comfort of freshly washed sheets and a nicely made bed go a long way for me. But that nice feeling I get doing a simple task is not limited to a sleep or comfort related task, but everything. Making a phone call to the bank I have been putting off for a while, just doing it. I know how simple it is physically, I know it’s easy and quick and not hard for me to talk over the phone about exactly what I need to do. The mental block is real.

Well, now I can relish in the glory of my freshly made bed, and get a good nights sleep.

I was just looking over some of the other sections of this website again, such as the first post, about, and quotes. It is readily apparent how much I have changed, and how much my intentions have changed since I had the initial idea for this. I guess I was trying to make a general “manifesto” of sorts originally, but now I’ve just made a big fat sob page of reflection and nonsense. If I ever have to go to court for something someday, this will be funny to dig up.

Well, I have found some comfort in writing ideas down in this medium. I have not written ideas down in a nice format like this in a long time, but I am definitely enjoying this exercise for now.

The title of this post is a general idea and problem I have with myself, and ironically, this blog post is just a new medium of that same issue.

So, a giant, and honestly what I may consider to be my biggest personal flaw is the inability to disconnect with the rest of the world. I feel the NEED, not the want to be connected simply via my phone at all times. I largely think this stems from the responsibility I carry at my job, but nonetheless, it affects my day to day life more than I’d like.

I enjoy the outdoors a lot. Mountain tranquility is one of my favorite things in the world. Except there is just one problem: cell service. Even though I enjoy that mountain tranquility so much, and it is such a stress reliever, if I lose cell service during that tranquility, a piece of my tranquil mind starts searching. Searching becomes stress, and suddenly I’ve lost it.

I consider myself a very independent person. I moved out on my own at a young age, live my day to day on my own accord, and generally do what I please when I please. But that reliance on connectivity is the chain that keeps me tied down. It is generally one of my most hated or least liked things about existence. Yet, that connectivity is what led to me discovering this independence and freedom and that the average person doesn’t have. So whilst I have a very, very flexible schedule, I am always tied down by that little device in my pocket.

I guess this ties into my previous “reject technology” post that I really couldn’t figure out where I was going with, and ended randomly. I am realizing more that the title of that post was correct, and I was well intended to start the post with that title. BUT, and this is a major but, you can see at the end of the post I realized that I haven’t actually rejected technology and found that complete freedom I was looking for. As I am writing THIS EXACT SENTENCE, I am honestly having quite an epiphany. My “subconscious”, or whatever you want to call it, knows this premise of freedom, but I had not realized fully that I am in some ways (but not entirely) less free than I was in my entirely technology-focused youth.

See, back in those days, I was tinkering on my own terms, doing my own things, searching for freedom internally and I guess interweb-onally (nice). These days, I have grown out of those hobbies that made me feel free, and on basic reflection, came to the conclusion that I was less free then. The truth is, I just simply don’t enjoy those hobbies anymore. Because my job (sitting at a desk writing web services for 6-8 hours a day) is entirely inside and computer focused, it honestly killed that youthful love for computer-related hobbies. Thus, my hobbies are now entirely outdoor related, and wonderful. I have to escape the monotony of work.

But, like I have said before, my job is not a typical 9-5. I am constantly tied in to communications, one way or another. I am obligated and compensated to reply to messages and monitor systems as long as I am awake. And so, we have circled back around.

Am I addicted to being connected? Or do I simply not possess the freedoms to reject technology quite yet. I think this conclusion is obvious to the reader (there are none) and myself already.

The problem, well, now that I know the problem, is how do I fix it? If I switch to a typical 9-5 that allows me to disconnect after hours and on weekends, I will lose general flexibility and some freedoms that I do really enjoy. But, if I stay this course, I will never really get to experience “true” (does it even exist?) freedom. I want to be able to hop in my car and drive all over the country for a couple of months and do whatever I want. No care in the world about others, no responsibilities, and no general plan. I guess that is another problem for another time. The important part of todays reflection is that I know the problem now.

I guess I will reflect more internally, and continue to write more. This is nice. I’ll add a gif at the bottom since it seems like something I should keep doing. Maybe if I get better at structuring these better in the future I can do inline relevant gifs to some of my thoughts? That would probably defeat the point of this reflection though, and no one else reads these anyways.

I know people don’t like Chris McCandless, but the general theme of this movie is a good one.

Recently, I have not been as hooked on technology as I used to be. I grew up on the internet, I have thousands of hours spent learning to program, and building random projects. More thousands of hours of my life growing up have been spent playing video games and learning random bits of information from forums.

As I have grown up, I have switched from Windows to Mac, stopped gaming, stopped exploring the depths of the internet, and just stopped tinkering in general. I do still program daily, but that is work, and work is not very fun.

Maybe I am simply being overdramatic, and this is the normal course of things. I am not sure. But, I do still see many people around me who are happy and still tinkering and doing the things that I used to love to do.

Now, these thoughts don’t really correspond to the title of this post, so I will get into that. I have been set free from the technology that I used to be hooked on. The outdoors are my new playground. Where I used to be locked inside and think that the world within this little box on my desk was the entire world, I have realized this is not the case. I have been very fortunate though, that the hours of tinkering and exploring that little box in my room has led me to a place where I am happier than I ever thought possible.

I rejected the real world and the normalcy of a typical social life growing up and as a result, I am freer than most people dream of being.

As I am trying to figure out how to continue with this thought, I have realized that this seems fairly narcissistic. The word “I” is used a LOT in this post, and maybe that’s not how I should write.

I guess the title of this post doesn’t really make any sense, since the summary of this would be to initially embrace technology, then by learning to reject it, and only then can you be set free.

Thanks for reading. Go outside and explore the world.

Gen Z walter mitty reference. I liked it before it was cool.

I just found the folder containing the files for this site on my computer. I thought this website was a fun idea at the time, but I never got around to actually writing anything here.

The title of this post is really what I wanted to talk about. I am a firm American Nationalist, and a believer in the ideas of Teddy Roosevelt. Recently, we have seen attempts to encroach on the public lands that we the people of this great country have enjoyed for generations. Globalists, greedy corporations, and corrupt politicians have been trying to free up these precious lands under the guise of a “housing shortage”. Whilst some unused BLM lands near existing communities could be repurposed for the right reasons, this bill is not written in that what whatsoever. Anyone who reads this nonsense will be able to see that the true purpose of this bill is to create more properties for the rich and powerful.

Here is a one of the dozens of articles that I have seen about this bill that can summarize it better than me. Link

So, I guess I don’t really know where to go from this initial thought. No one reads this website, so I am just putting out my frustration. I can call and email my senators and representatives, but everyone knows that politicians don’t actually represent the people.

I am not sure what to do.